Then don't leave are the thoughts which flicker through Chikusa's mind, but he doesn't give voice to them. He doesn't give voice to anything, only keeps his gaze stubbornly away. This isn't the kind of conversation he wanted to have today- not after working, and fear wracking through his body at Ken's disappearances, and after the hasty patch up of sex.
He's so tired.
Honestly, he's just waiting for Ken to keep arguing, to run out of steam, and maybe he can figure out how to patch this over at least until he's had some rest. However, that stutter-stop is.... strange, and he glances over to him. Restless, shifting, almost as if Ken could crawl out of his own skin- Chikusa hates this the most. He doesn't know how to handle it, how it can be made better whenever Ken's in a mood like this, because it feels like nothing he can do is good enough for one of the few people who matter-
And then Ken has to go and say something like that.
Chikusa actually jolts back at that, lost confusion actually apparent in his wide eyes and drawn brow. "I want you," stumbles out of his mouth, clumsy as a cough after being punched. Maybe it'd be clumsy anyway. This kind of honesty, emotional and true, isn't something they really exchange that often. Maybe not even since they were young, when Chikusa's emotions could never be completely locked up and he'd break down in tears and gasps. Realizing his own words, he ducks his head, bangs and glasses obstructing the rest of his face. Embarrassment and unfamiliarity are never a good mix.
It feels like his throat is locking up on him, refusing to let any words he could even think of out. An almost physical reaction. He swallows, thickly, as if that can get the blockage out of the way, but it doesn't.
All the things he's done, all the concessions he lets Ken have, the way he doesn't want anyone else to have him- isn't it obvious that he wants Ken back too?
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He's so tired.
Honestly, he's just waiting for Ken to keep arguing, to run out of steam, and maybe he can figure out how to patch this over at least until he's had some rest. However, that stutter-stop is.... strange, and he glances over to him. Restless, shifting, almost as if Ken could crawl out of his own skin- Chikusa hates this the most. He doesn't know how to handle it, how it can be made better whenever Ken's in a mood like this, because it feels like nothing he can do is good enough for one of the few people who matter-
And then Ken has to go and say something like that.
Chikusa actually jolts back at that, lost confusion actually apparent in his wide eyes and drawn brow. "I want you," stumbles out of his mouth, clumsy as a cough after being punched. Maybe it'd be clumsy anyway. This kind of honesty, emotional and true, isn't something they really exchange that often. Maybe not even since they were young, when Chikusa's emotions could never be completely locked up and he'd break down in tears and gasps. Realizing his own words, he ducks his head, bangs and glasses obstructing the rest of his face. Embarrassment and unfamiliarity are never a good mix.
It feels like his throat is locking up on him, refusing to let any words he could even think of out. An almost physical reaction. He swallows, thickly, as if that can get the blockage out of the way, but it doesn't.
All the things he's done, all the concessions he lets Ken have, the way he doesn't want anyone else to have him- isn't it obvious that he wants Ken back too?