"You're not supposed to do things for me 'cause you think I'll leave if I don't, stupid kappa!" Ken scowls at him. "That's like...like blackmail!" It's not, not really, but Ken doesn't have a better word for what it is. "I'm not blackmailing you, byon!"
He's getting fidgety and distressed now, shifting his weight restlessly. "At least - " he starts to say, and then stops himself in confusion as the rest of his sentence plays out for him, and he realizes the contradictions there. At least a prostitute would want to suck my cock. But they wouldn't, not the way Ken wants Chikusa to - the way he thought he did. Why doesn't that bother him when it's someone else, though?
"Why don't you want me as much as I want you, four-eyed kappa?!" he finally bursts out with, abruptly angry in his confusion. "Is it 'cause I don't bathe enough?" And, while Ken is lost and angry and floundering, he may finally have - by accident - found the way to communicate what this is really all about, for him. He thinks if he was clean enough, if he was attractive enough, if he was good enough, then Chikusa would want him back the same way - and, if Chikusa doesn't, then there's something deficient in him, not in Chikusa. And the implication in the question, in the half-challenging, half-pleading way he's looking at Chikusa, is that he'd actually consider doing things like bathing more if it would make Chikusa want him. That Chikusa is important enough to him to make his own concessions for.
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He's getting fidgety and distressed now, shifting his weight restlessly. "At least - " he starts to say, and then stops himself in confusion as the rest of his sentence plays out for him, and he realizes the contradictions there. At least a prostitute would want to suck my cock. But they wouldn't, not the way Ken wants Chikusa to - the way he thought he did. Why doesn't that bother him when it's someone else, though?
"Why don't you want me as much as I want you, four-eyed kappa?!" he finally bursts out with, abruptly angry in his confusion. "Is it 'cause I don't bathe enough?" And, while Ken is lost and angry and floundering, he may finally have - by accident - found the way to communicate what this is really all about, for him. He thinks if he was clean enough, if he was attractive enough, if he was good enough, then Chikusa would want him back the same way - and, if Chikusa doesn't, then there's something deficient in him, not in Chikusa. And the implication in the question, in the half-challenging, half-pleading way he's looking at Chikusa, is that he'd actually consider doing things like bathing more if it would make Chikusa want him. That Chikusa is important enough to him to make his own concessions for.