[The whole purpose of this exercise ( other than to see how much a mind could take ) was for Chikusa to sort through his emotions himself, to find what truths he needed to find and come to a conclusion. Still, Mukuro supposed that was too much to ask for someone who spent their every waking moment trying to suppress their feelings, and who had just undergone several lifetimes.
So, Mukuro continued to stroke his hair, looking at the book open in his lap, but gaze unseeing.]
Each outcome came only with something sacrificed. What do you want and what are you willing to give up? Nothing, especially happiness or normality, comes for free. Yet in our world, happiness and normality are next to nonexistent.
[For once, Chikusa would have been relieved if Mukuro-sama had gone on one of his usual melodramatic speeches. Just listening to him, timing the inhale-exhale of his lungs to match, was helping his sense of self come back to where it was supposed to be. No more tidal wave of emotions and experiences to overwhelm him, just the aftershocks.]
[That he was being given an answer was even better, and Chikusa looked up into that mismatched stare, still curled up against the other. A nod, more felt than seen against Mukuro's leg.]
It's not worth it. That life.
[Even in the best case scenario, the one most devoid of bloodshed but also devoid of the others, there'd been that hollowness. It had disrupted every bit of peace and normalcy in that life, always lurking.]
[At that admission, Mukuro made a small, pleased noise. He had known all along that would be the conclusion, but he was content all the same. He did enjoy being right.]
Are you feeling better?
[It might have been concern if his hands weren't possessively on him, his smirk self-satisfied.]
[The shaking had lessened, but by no means had it completely stopped. Who knew how long it would take for him to get over the many images that had flooded his perception, and if they would leave his sleep free of nightmares. At least he could breathe again. That was something.]
[Well, all's well that ended well then. Mukuro himself was feeling refreshed and satisfied, and Chikusa would eventually come around. He hummed thoughtfully as he went through the book with disinterest, untangling his fingers from Chikusa's hair but otherwise not moving away.]
[The soft sigh, tinged with frustration maybe, was the only sign of Chikusa's emotions. Taking his glasses, he tucked them away in one pocket to better bury his face into Mukuro's leg.]
[There was so much to sort through. For now, however, he could just concentrate on his breath, and Mukuro's, and the quiet sound of paper shifting against itself until the other got bored. That could be at any moment, honestly, but perhaps his satisfaction at what he had accomplished would sate him for a while yet.]
[It took some time- Chikusa wasn't sure how long- before he spoke again.]
I'll stop seeing him at all.
[They hadn't... broken up, he supposed the proper wording was, but just stopping was a good enough alternative, wasn't it?]
[It would have sounded bored or dismissive if it was anyone else, but it still carried a hint of command. 'Stop seeing him' sounded far too much like running away from a battle instead of fighting it, and Mukuro wanted there to be no more doubt and no more feelings.
He turned his gaze down to the top of Chikusa's head, considering.]
[A protest was on the back of his tongue, aching to not have to deal with anymore of that, but he bit back the words. It was an order. He'd obey. There wasn't any question of doing otherwise.]
Yes, Mukuro-sama.
[The turbulence inside of him would settle. He would settle. At the very least, he'd aggressively repress and smother everything to the contrary until he could fake it once again.]
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badliifechoiice22016-01-08 10:36 am
no subject
How will it help?
no subject
So, Mukuro continued to stroke his hair, looking at the book open in his lap, but gaze unseeing.]
Each outcome came only with something sacrificed. What do you want and what are you willing to give up? Nothing, especially happiness or normality, comes for free. Yet in our world, happiness and normality are next to nonexistent.
[He turned to look at Chikusa, red eye ominous.]
It should put everything into prospective.
no subject
[That he was being given an answer was even better, and Chikusa looked up into that mismatched stare, still curled up against the other. A nod, more felt than seen against Mukuro's leg.]
It's not worth it. That life.
[Even in the best case scenario, the one most devoid of bloodshed but also devoid of the others, there'd been that hollowness. It had disrupted every bit of peace and normalcy in that life, always lurking.]
no subject
Are you feeling better?
[It might have been concern if his hands weren't possessively on him, his smirk self-satisfied.]
no subject
[The shaking had lessened, but by no means had it completely stopped. Who knew how long it would take for him to get over the many images that had flooded his perception, and if they would leave his sleep free of nightmares. At least he could breathe again. That was something.]
...Was all of that necessary, Mukuro-sama?
no subject
Yes. It's better to be thorough.
[Which was a 'no', then.]
no subject
[The soft sigh, tinged with frustration maybe, was the only sign of Chikusa's emotions. Taking his glasses, he tucked them away in one pocket to better bury his face into Mukuro's leg.]
[There was so much to sort through. For now, however, he could just concentrate on his breath, and Mukuro's, and the quiet sound of paper shifting against itself until the other got bored. That could be at any moment, honestly, but perhaps his satisfaction at what he had accomplished would sate him for a while yet.]
[It took some time- Chikusa wasn't sure how long- before he spoke again.]
I'll stop seeing him at all.
[They hadn't... broken up, he supposed the proper wording was, but just stopping was a good enough alternative, wasn't it?]
no subject
[It would have sounded bored or dismissive if it was anyone else, but it still carried a hint of command. 'Stop seeing him' sounded far too much like running away from a battle instead of fighting it, and Mukuro wanted there to be no more doubt and no more feelings.
He turned his gaze down to the top of Chikusa's head, considering.]
If you have any doubts, take more time.
no subject
Yes, Mukuro-sama.
[The turbulence inside of him would settle. He would settle. At the very least, he'd aggressively repress and smother everything to the contrary until he could fake it once again.]
...Thank you.